Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day
• this will be the first of a weekly photo upload, you can view the world as I do.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
'would your friends say you are...'
I've done a lot of interviewing lately; filling out applications, putting on my best face, answering my favorite question: 'tell me about a time when...'
Throughout out the process I've come across, countless times, the question: ‘Would your friends say you are...’
Would they say you're outgoing ? Would they say you're a leader, a self-starter, dependable...
Dependable, huh?
“Of course I am,’ I answer. I mean who is more dependable than me. I’m there for everyone when they need me, I mean goodness I take the weight of the world on my shoulders; I am a problem fixer –– I’m dependable...
What can I say, human nature dictates that we think the best of ourselves.
But, every once in a while, we stumble upon an instance where we are forced to take a retrospective look at the ‘you’ we really are.
Today, it was brought to my attention, that I may not always be the most dependable person, more specifically I don’t really reflect the follow-through that I have always thought to be one of my better traits.
Freudian projection ? — True, I can’t stand people who are unreliable, that never have any follow-through, but is that because subconsciously I hate that trait in myself.
Looking back at examples, there are many times where I have said, flippantly, that I would do something – help out, hang out, meet up – only to find that when the time comes I have either forgotten completely my commitments, or have persuaded myself to bail out.
I’ll tell you what, discovering personal flaws can hurt.
In the end, we are left with only two options: pretend those flaws don’t exist, cursing the informing party, ‘What the hell do they know.’; or, we chose to learn from these realizations, affect some positive change in our lives.
In this case, I’ll choose the latter.
My book shelves are lined with self-help books, ‘Best You Ever,’ ‘Living Life As A Thank-You,’ and countless others.
With change on my mind, two titles stood out tonight.
I remembered a chapter in, Rita Emmett’s ‘The Procrastinator’s Handbook’, dealing with the power of setting limits.
I flipped to that section, finding an underlined passage, my favorite in the chapter:
The chapter could have been a biographical work, written specifically about me.
I find myself too often jumping to say yes, bending over backwards to say sure; then when life continues and the deadline looms, I’ve found some weasly way to back out.
All along, the solutions are simple: just set limits, admitting when life is too much: ‘I’d love to, but I won’t this time because...’; Only agree to realistic commitments — I’ll bring it over tomorrow, only means anything when you really ‘bring it tomorrow.’; respect the time and expectations of others, as if the commitments were made to you.
So at this point in the evening, my head is whirling and I’m thinking just how I can turn this around. I decide I’m going to commit to, well, making commitments.
So I asses the situation: how bad is the damage, can I recover ?
M.J. Ryan’s ‘This Year I Will’ catches my eye:
I can’t change what I’ve done (and if that includes in any way having shafted you, I’m sorry), but I can change what I do.
So decidedly, (I will try) I guarantee, I will be more dependable, I will be more reliable, dammit I will restore your trust.
Because although I’ve blown-off my fair share, in the end the one who’s really disappointed is myself.
You can count on me like one, two, three, I’ll be there and I know when I need it, I can count on you like four, three, two, and you'll be there 'cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh - Bruno Mars
Throughout out the process I've come across, countless times, the question: ‘Would your friends say you are...’
Would they say you're outgoing ? Would they say you're a leader, a self-starter, dependable...
Dependable, huh?
“Of course I am,’ I answer. I mean who is more dependable than me. I’m there for everyone when they need me, I mean goodness I take the weight of the world on my shoulders; I am a problem fixer –– I’m dependable...
What can I say, human nature dictates that we think the best of ourselves.
But, every once in a while, we stumble upon an instance where we are forced to take a retrospective look at the ‘you’ we really are.
Today, it was brought to my attention, that I may not always be the most dependable person, more specifically I don’t really reflect the follow-through that I have always thought to be one of my better traits.
Freudian projection ? — True, I can’t stand people who are unreliable, that never have any follow-through, but is that because subconsciously I hate that trait in myself.
Looking back at examples, there are many times where I have said, flippantly, that I would do something – help out, hang out, meet up – only to find that when the time comes I have either forgotten completely my commitments, or have persuaded myself to bail out.
I’ll tell you what, discovering personal flaws can hurt.
In the end, we are left with only two options: pretend those flaws don’t exist, cursing the informing party, ‘What the hell do they know.’; or, we chose to learn from these realizations, affect some positive change in our lives.
In this case, I’ll choose the latter.
My book shelves are lined with self-help books, ‘Best You Ever,’ ‘Living Life As A Thank-You,’ and countless others.
With change on my mind, two titles stood out tonight.
I remembered a chapter in, Rita Emmett’s ‘The Procrastinator’s Handbook’, dealing with the power of setting limits.
I flipped to that section, finding an underlined passage, my favorite in the chapter:
‘If you’re an I-Wanna-Do-It-All procrastinator, you love life, and love to live it to the fullest. Every idea that comes up is appealing. Every cause seems worthy. Every activity sounds great. Every person needs you. So you say yes to everything, then juggle too many commitments...and procrastinate.’
The chapter could have been a biographical work, written specifically about me.
I find myself too often jumping to say yes, bending over backwards to say sure; then when life continues and the deadline looms, I’ve found some weasly way to back out.
All along, the solutions are simple: just set limits, admitting when life is too much: ‘I’d love to, but I won’t this time because...’; Only agree to realistic commitments — I’ll bring it over tomorrow, only means anything when you really ‘bring it tomorrow.’; respect the time and expectations of others, as if the commitments were made to you.
So at this point in the evening, my head is whirling and I’m thinking just how I can turn this around. I decide I’m going to commit to, well, making commitments.
So I asses the situation: how bad is the damage, can I recover ?
M.J. Ryan’s ‘This Year I Will’ catches my eye:
‘But before I jump into action, I’ve got to do something to renew my trust in myself. Otherwise my emotional brain is going to continue to sabotage my efforts with feelings of hopelessness. I made a commitment to myself I have not kept. If I did that to anyone else, I would apologize. Why shouldn’t I treat myself with equal respect?’
I can’t change what I’ve done (and if that includes in any way having shafted you, I’m sorry), but I can change what I do.
So decidedly, (I will try) I guarantee, I will be more dependable, I will be more reliable, dammit I will restore your trust.
Because although I’ve blown-off my fair share, in the end the one who’s really disappointed is myself.
You can count on me like one, two, three, I’ll be there and I know when I need it, I can count on you like four, three, two, and you'll be there 'cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh - Bruno Mars
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