Another sleepless night

I'm watching the clock tick by again.

I am starving but not really, quietly fighting the urge to go and stuff my face.

Instead I snack on the hidden chocolate on the nightstand.

Pressed up against the glass, I found myself wanting sympathy. But to be consumed again, Oh I know would be the death of me. - Sarah McLachlan

I made it to the cemetery today. Not quite sure how long it has actually been. Have been pretty caught up in life lately.

Mandy suggested it was a bit of depression tinged with a hint of denial. Defense mechanisms, both, but unwanted personality states non-the-less.

Even now, as I try to describe the feeling, its difficult to express.

Feels like running a race, but accomplishing no distance; caught up in so much but nothing has ever quite happened.

And then slowly the moments creep in where you stop yourself and try to establish a timeline; some real means—a quantitative way—to show what, when and why things have happened.

The only way I can justify my mother's absence is to relive her sickness; At least the illness follows a logical order.

In the matter of only seconds I have relived four months of the most painful and exhaustive times I ever faced.

Moments later I've shelved the feelings again to face the fog, the blur—move on.

84,000 different delusions, take a ride in the car. 84,000 different delusions, Met me down at the bar. - Shawn Colvin

Orientation for the new (new) job went well, maybe soon to be aka: the career.

Seems like a place I can feel comfortable, take my coat off and stay awhile.

Initial impression is of a culture of advancement, matched with the integrity and compassion I crave so dearly.

The facilitator teared up (sincere emotion, even) when speaking about the opportunity for community outreach within the organization.

Ooh Child, things will get brighter...

Wish me luck, tomorrow I will work the new (new) job 8:30 - 4:30 and close the old (new) job 5:30 -10:30.

Long day !

Oh, and I've finally finished a book. It seems like I have been reading the same novels for longer than I can remember.

Funny how faced with nothing but time, its so hard to find time to do things we love the most.

While counting sheep never seems to work, its at least time to try.

Some day, we'll put it together and get it all done. - Five Stair Steps